you know how in psychiatric drama's they make the psychiatrists waiting
room completely white with the few inspirational posters trying to get
you to not kill yourself? that's where i am right now, except i'm not
the patient, i'd much rather be the patient though. my moms in there, i
just got booted out of her office because my mom didn't want me to see
her crying. i honestly don't know what i'm doing half the time anymore
and sometimes i wonder if its because of me or not. am i being selfish
in calling my mom selfish? it feels like everything i do has to be okay
with her schedule or something. i'm 19 and i'm supposed to enjoy this
time of my life yet here i am, in this white room with the receptionist,
a recovering addict and an old man who doesn't even know where he is. i
want to go home and sleep, or at least get away from all this. i wish i
was someone else. has anyone else ever wondered what it feels like to
die? like, how do you just sleep forever? what if you get to experience
life again in another persons form? i guess that's what i think about
when i want to block things out. just the impossible and improbable.
what if there is no jesus, what if everyone's efforts went into vain?
what if all these churches, monestaries, convents, temples, mosques-
what if they're all built and amount to nothing? what if we do just
sleep forever?
-- i speak to you in riddles.
No comments:
Post a Comment